Making Time for Family

By far one of the hardest things for students to do is balancing school and family. My husband Eamon is now in his fourth year here at USU, and every year our plan for “making family time” has changed. When he started med school, we had our oldest daughter was just six months old. Our second daughter was born over Winter Break of his second year. We have had to work out how to get time with each other as a couple as well as making sure he gets time with the girls.

We have found three things really help us: communication, scheduling, and “date night.” We started talking about how Eamon was going to schedule his week before classes even started his first year. I am a planner, and I like to know what’s coming up. Even if you are not usually a planner, I cannot stress how important communicating about your schedules is! I could share some of what worked for our schedule, but you have to find what works for you and your student. Discuss what your expectations are and what your student’s study needs are... and keep open lines of communication for when these expectations and needs change throughout the year. We came up with a general outline of what the week would look like, and then each week we talked about if something might be different (an exam maybe). In general, Eamon started his day EARLY (he has ALWAYS been an early bird), studied before class, came home in time for dinner with us, and studied more after dinner (sometimes at home, sometimes not). Then, he would take one full weekend day “off” for family time (except sometimes around exams).  Again, this is what worked for us. Some of our friends have flexible schedules that change every day, and some have little or no family time during the week in favor of more weekend time. Most importantly, we always have “date night” on Friday nights (usually entails sitting on our couch chatting or watching a movie because we don’t have/want to pay a babysitter). “Date night” is BY FAR one of the things that has really helped us stay connected and get through these years as a team.  Whether your dates are going out or staying in, whether they are a whole day or just an hour, try to get at least one in a month.

So, this was all a great system for us... then Eamon started rotations. O, boy, was that a tough transition! The hours are crazy and can change every day. Sometimes they think they will be home “for sure” for dinner... only to text at dinner saying they don’t know when they will be done. It is really tough to “schedule” this. Because we now have two kids, evenings get pretty hectic. We decided on a “cut-off” time for keeping the girls up at night. If I haven’t gotten a call/text from him by 6:15 saying he is on his way home (we only live two miles from school), I put them to bed at the normal time. So, there are now days when Eamon doesn’t see them, which he definitely does not like. BUT, we have come up with other ways to keep him and the girls “connected.” If he knows that he won’t see them on a day, he will make a short video to say hi to them and email it to me. He will also try to call around bedtime if he can... or even better Skype/FaceTime. I also send him pictures or short videos of them throughout the week. We also do these tech-y things a lot when he is on an away rotation. As for us as a couple, we definitely do not get as many “date nights” now, but we still try for one every week. Last year, Eamon still had to study a lot on the weekends and at nights, but we tried for at least a half day on the weekend as a family.
If what you are doing doesn’t seem to be working or are just starting out, ask around for what works for other people. I have gotten some great suggestions and advice from my fellow spouses in the SSC. Their experiences are invaluable, and they are always willing to share! See you all at the September meeting!

Written by: Sara Keleher